I think that I gave this to Jeff Clay

I'm not really sure when I wrote this. The document details have July 8 2015. 

What happened today

• I was somewhat chastened this morning. I figured that I took twice as long as others, maybe even three times as long, but not four times as long.

• Ended yesterday evening with one remaining paragraph to finish cleaning up after copying from source program. Already started compiling to clean rest of code.

• 9:00 thinking about the HTML5 course that I'd like to take, however I can't look up any information, nor search for a book, nor check out the course that I found on YouTube to see if it will work.

• 9:12 I was already revved up and was thinking out loud before I left home.

• 9:15 Considered running app that company sent me to collect data for their app that I cannot execute

• Attempted to open music drive; problem with encryption software on device. Cannot use other drives today and Grooveshark.com is unavailable. Will attempt GPlay

• GPlay will not connect and cannot listen via another device. Crap.

• 9:42 Coffee

• 9:52 Returned to desk

• 9:54 Interrupted app and added Google play site to allow fields so that the web page does not get closed within five minutes.

• 9:55 schedule email check occured1)

• 9:58 Clarity reporting occured

• 10:05 Read and forwarded an email

• 10:09 Scanned ringtone tracks downloaded yesterday and playing them via WMP

• 10:15 Checked Pocket to see if I saved YouTube course there, which I had.

• 10:24 I am running entirely too hyper this morning, meaning that all of this has me hyper and on edge.

• 10:32 Restroom/coffee

• 10:54 Return

• 11:32 At this moment, since I can't get my big drive fixed by that assholes that pretty much insisted that it had to be encrypted in the first, I am unable to listen to anything. After awhile, total quiet drives me crazy. All of my links in My Music expect to go to one of two drives that are not here at the time, so I'm kind of screwed.

• 11:32 Reading through book titles

• 12:13 Viewing scanned documents

• 12:45 Wrote and sent emnail to ed2go.com about upcoming courses

• 12:57 Tried Google Play again. Amazon is possible, except that I would have to leave site up or play my device.

• 15 minutes of frustration

• I would play Pat Metheny except I am locked out of my frigging drive which IT-I refuses to help me fix.

• 2:01 Finally got GPlay to play on of my uploaded albums

• 2:14 Halfway through album, swithed over to Hiroshima's Odori

• 2:17 Added Hiroshima of youtube videos to pin on Pinterest

• 2:30 updated chore list online to make addition to calendar. Attempted to sync change to phone and tablet without success. Changed GTasks.

• Changed notification on GKeep task, adding date/time.

• Spent 15+ minutes trying to check email.

• M&Ms

• 2:35 Hiroshima album shut off during Pomodoro Break. Selected Weird Al Yankovic.

• 3:04 Are we there yet?

• 3:07 Finding myself slightly confused but will work on it tonight

• 3:14 Thinking out loud a small bit, meaning not as hyper as usual. Surprising considering I'm somewhat agitated.

• 3:18: Corrected allow list in app.

• 3:20 checked email

• 3:22 Update Clarity (shocking, I know)

• 3:22 Where was I? Um....

September Slump

Some years ago, my late boyfriend would say that I would have what he would call my 'September Slump'. He said that around fall, I would 'slow down' my actions, my working on things, my work, etc. At the time he told me this, fall would be the time that I would try to catch up on work, and courses at work for yearly review, to improve my yearly rating, which was abysmal. I would also be worrying about fall things, such as fall performances that I would like to go to, scrimping what money I could; Xmas and Thanksgiving coming up and having to be around my mother; and present buying, which my boyfriend would budget for, usually stealing money from other bills; various other things. I've noticed that I have not had that happen in the last few years, except for maybe this year.

Over the last few weeks, starting around my birthday, I've noticed that I'm not getting much done at work. I'm not focusing as well either. I'm not keeping up with where I've spent time working, and having to fudge the numbers on my timesheet, because ultimately, I didn't spend much time accomplishing tasks. The only consistent thing that I'm doing is watching the two Perry Mason episodes that I record every weekday. That, and now 90 Fiancé shows.

 

This is a conversation that I had with a fellow Bipolar victim here at work around this time in 2018, right after I took over the admin duties of our SCM application.

I had this happen to me last year

Last year, I spent a lot of time working on a big project that we had going on. About the middle of the year, I was working until 11pm/12am/1am. On Fridays, I would work until about 8am the next morning. The last few years, I've taken to sleeping very late on the weekends, mainly because I didn't have my late boyfriend wanting to run errands and shopping trips. I then stated sleeping all day Saturday, not getting up until Sunday morning. The week of my birthday, in September, I woke up on Tuesday, and thinking that I was late for work, I sent a Teams message to my boss. She informed me that I was not late, and that I was still on vacation. I asked her what day it was, thinking that it was still the weekend, and she told me that it was actually Tuesday. It seems that I slept through four days, at least it seemed that way; I later discovered that I was up on Saturday, but didn't remember it. Over the next few days, on the weekends, I would sleep for days, missing work. Twice, my boss and her boss, came and checked in on me. My boss wound up taking me to a care clinic and they informed me that I had a UTI. I spent a week in the hospital. I called my sister that lives here and she spent the week with me. I was then sent home, and I worked the next week without any problems: I had some errands to take care of that next weekend. I worked another week, however that next weekend, the same thing happened. Another week in the hospital. Another week working. Then that Saturday, a team lead called me to sign into work with an implementation issue. I kept falling back asleep, so my boss called my sister, and she came over. Seeing the same issues happening, she then took me to another hospital, thinking that the first hospital didn't clear out the UTI. It turns out that I no longer had the UTI. (Also, during the hospital stays, I gave them all my meds, for my blood pressure, bipolar mania, and ADHD. They said that some head meds that I was taking were old, such as Wellbutrin, and they wondered why I wasn't taking something newer.) During that week, my sister called her twin and our youngest sister, who both live out of town, and they cleaned my apartment, a deep clean. I mean there were some cruddy spots. The next week, my sister set an appointment for me with an Internist, to review my meds. A few weeks later, I had an appointment with my shrink, and I told him about the comments and about my possibly switching meds. We reviewed my meds and remembered that I am taking the ones that I take because I had issues with the newer ones.

Something I came across today.

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 8:51 AM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

Morning.

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 8:51 AM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

Good morning

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:08 AM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

Did you see that email that I sent you?

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:08 AM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

I glanced at it

I try not to learn bipolar stuff

I already have to live it

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:08 AM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

why not?

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:08 AM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

because I am Jacob.

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:14 AM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

I have lived in this bipolar body since birth . . . I have a pretty good way of figuring out what is going on, without emails

when there is a cure, let me know

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:28 AM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

No Title

Jacob, learning something about it can be beneficial.  Take this for example.  We just learned something: many people have manic episodes in the summer.  You just had one.  And I just thought of something.  My boyfriend would say that I would hit what he would call my September slump, where I would get down so to speak.  Since I'm manic all of the time, I don't track my 'highs and lows'; to me they always seem high.  However, maybe I've been having a hypermanic episode in the summer and come fall, I've been coming out of it.  (I'm sure I've been in one this summer because of my taking over Endevor.)  I can use that knowledge to plan in the future.  I can't take off time like you do, however it helps to have that knowledge.

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:28 AM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

 I too have dealt with this all my life and I consider it to be a royal pain in the ass.  And I think that my brand of it is different; just imagine having your manic episode last for far longer.

And I'd love a cure as well.

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:29 AM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

used to last 2 to 3 months at a stretch

and I was delusional

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:30 AM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

I've never dealt with that, although some may say delusions of grandeur, so maybe I do.

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:30 AM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

I had delusions of grandeur

GRANDEUR.

now I don't

thank God

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:35 AM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

Personally, I don't think I should be penalized because sometimes I think that my way is the best way.

;)

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 10:36 AM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

I would tell you what my problems were, but that would not be logical . . . we will be here at AAFES for a long time

HIPPA rules are rules for a wise reason

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 3:48 PM]  Collins, Monica P.: 

I think that I might leave on time today.

[‎7/‎24/‎2018 3:48 PM]  Cole, Jacob A.: 

that would be a change

I try to every day :)

A New Dawn

I came to a decision yesterday that I need to make some changes in the way I have things set up here at work.  I am putting all of the windows that are my actual work windows now--Outlook--onto my middle screen, right in front of me where they actually need to be now.  Working with email is no longer a secondary thing as it was before.



What joy, what bliss.

OMGoodness, what did I do!

OMG, did I make myself... sick.  I have dozed all morning.  I'm just now getting to work.

I hate my job

I'm a bean counter.  I determined back in high school that I didn't want to be an accountant.  Now I'm an accountant.  And, because we have this Scrum group and everyone is supposed to be willing to do anything and everything, I'm supposed to be satisfied doing what I find boring.

I'm so screwed.  I don't see my rating ever going up.