I'm having to work at it today

I’m having to almost force my concentration on what I need to be doing today.  The effort is pretty much working, so far.

 

Concentrate

I have GOT to concentrate on these Easytrieve conversion issues today.  I have not installed any modifications and I really should have by now.  Now that Xmas is over, hopefully things will get back to normal.

Even when I set myself up to concentrate well, I don't quite cut it.

I was going back and forth between 6 screens, one of those my phone and one my netbook.  Oh, and listening to a ‘Star Trek’ episode.  And eating a pomegranate.  I was actually working on this new assignment, trying to determine what FTP stuff needs to be converted to SFTP, while going back and forth between a few things on 3 different sources.  And while suddenly remembering something about a past item and detouring to look up a past email and forward it to someone.  It came to me that I’d probably have better luck if I changed to white noise, so I did that.  After 40 minutes of the white noise, I’m now listening to a movie, cuz it didn’t seem to be helping all that much.

Honestly, what was the point of even coming in this week?

I can count on one hand the number of hours that have been productive this week.  And, I would still have fingers left over.  Tsk, tsk, tsk.

 

When I Start Work

It’s 8:23 and I’m really getting to work.  I’ve been here since 6:45 and not enough work was done.

 

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights

This is where my time went today.  Not good at all.  I can’t even pretend that I worked much today.

 

 

Not Enough

I have not done nearly enough work today to have it qualify as having worked.  I had to run to the store and pay on my overdue store card so that I can buy some gift cards.  Afterward, I discovered that I paid the wrong amount, so I had to make a 2^nd trip to pay the missing amount.  And I have been spending the last amount of time – quite a chunk – ebaying.

 

#END

 

Thanks ….

 

Monica Collins

Appl Sys Prog Analyst I

Information Technology Directorate

Army & Air Force Exchange Service

214-312-2353 

collinsm@aafes.com

Visit our online store! www.shopmyexchange.com

 

 

Leg bounce

My leg is bouncing like crazy again today.  Not really sure of the cause though.  I have not a lot of coffee so far today; I only had one cup all of yesterday.  I have not had a lot of any kind of stimulants that would do it.  And, I am calm about the project that I am currently working on.  A real pain in the ass, cuz the shaking interrupts me.  Constantly.

 

Bummer #2

This software that I have that keeps track of what I do on my work PC has the nasty habit of pointing out that even though I am always busy doing something, I get very little of significance done.  That sucks.

Bummer #1

I am just now getting started on work, as in starting in on the assignment at hand.  I have been doing other things related to work, but it has still taken me this long to get those minor things cleared.  That does bug the hell out of me.  A lot.

Thinking Inside My Head vs. Thinking Out Loud

I’ve noticed that I am able to think inside my head (i.e. not talk to myself) great in the car on the way in to work.  When that happens, I use my turn signals and do everything else that I’m supposed to be doing.  Shortly after I get to work, probably as more people start to arrive and noise picks up, I switch to what I refer to as ‘thinking out loud’.  So, is it the noise of people talking around me that causes me to do that, trying to clearly hear my own thoughts?  Or is it that when I’m alone I find the idea of my voice breaking the silence disturbing so I think inside my head?  Inquiring minds want to know ….

 

testing testing testing, 2nd verse not the same as the first

This is a test to see if I can update both Yahoo newsgroup and blogger post.  I have added something before my signature so that it doesn’t show up on the post.

 

testing testing testing

This is a test to see if I can update both Yahoo newsgroup and blogger post.

 

Thanks ….

 

Monica Collins

Appl Sys Prog Analyst I

Information Technology Directorate

214-312-2353 

collinsm@aafes.com

 

 

We Have Moved!

I am moving my posts from Yahoo newsgroups to here, since no one seems to be able to see them.

Not a good day at Black Rock

8:00 AMCollins, Monica P.

hola

8:00 AMLacy, Robert P.

whats the deal

8:00 AMCollins, Monica P.

what deal?

8:00 AMLacy, Robert P.

its an expressoin

whats up

8:01 AMCollins, Monica P.

lol isn't that 'what's the deal-ee-o'?

8:02 AMLacy, Robert P.

sure

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11:31 AMCollins, Monica P.

would you like my pear?

11:32 AMLacy, Robert P.

i would

11:32 AMCollins, Monica P.

but what?

11:32 AMLacy, Robert P.

but feel that you would get better enjoyment from it

11:32 AMCollins, Monica P.

you don't like pears?

11:32 AMLacy, Robert P.

being as how pear is my least favorite of anything with seeds in it

11:32 AMCollins, Monica P.

lol

pears have very few seeds in them.

i'm betting you just don't like the taste of them.

11:33 AMLacy, Robert P.

texture mostly

but yes

11:34 AMCollins, Monica P.

I can understand that.  I occasionally have that happen, when a pear isn't 'just right'.

11:34 AMLacy, Robert P.

yes

me, more often than nt

also, there was a very productive pear tree behind the house growing up

and it smells like death in the summer

11:34 AMCollins, Monica P.

lol just more sensitive about it, i guess

11:34 AMLacy, Robert P.

+ all the bees/yellow jackets

11:34 AMCollins, Monica P.

ew

11:35 AMLacy, Robert P.

ya

11:35 AMCollins, Monica P.

and how would you know what death warmed over smells like?

11:38 AMLacy, Robert P.

ive seen the reaper

11:38 AMCollins, Monica P.

you have not

11:39 AMLacy, Robert P.

i have

and he smells like death

11:39 AMCollins, Monica P.

and what did you do to come so close to death?

11:41 AMLacy, Robert P.

talked back to my grandmother

11:41 AMCollins, Monica P.

lol

well then hell, i've faced that many a time standing in front of my mother lol

11:42 AMLacy, Robert P.

lolz

11:42 AMCollins, Monica P.

trust me, only a southerner knows the fear of the words 'bring me my belt'.

11:43 AMLacy, Robert P.

lollerz

11:46 AMCollins, Monica P.

I'm going to have to make a trek downstairs soon, for some BK fries.  Unless I can talk someone into doing it for me, being a temp gimp and all ...

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12:48 PMLacy, Robert P.

just saw this

i woulda gotten them

12:48 PMCollins, Monica P.

well thank you, maybe next time

mmmmmm, bk fries ....

12:49 PMLacy, Robert P.

lolz

12:49 PMCollins, Monica P.

not mickey d's, but they will do in a pinch ....

12:50 PMLacy, Robert P.

lulz

12:51 PMCollins, Monica P.

i was not meant to go to tinker

12:51 PMLacy, Robert P.

me either

i went to the ft hood one, maybe thats why

12:52 PMCollins, Monica P.

i thought that you already went? the 1st time.

ooooooooooo

12:52 PMLacy, Robert P.

12:52 PMCollins, Monica P.

is that the one near witicha falls?

12:52 PMLacy, Robert P.

kileen

12:53 PMCollins, Monica P.

hmmm, so that is 3 within a day's drive of us

12:54 PMLacy, Robert P.

yea

12:54 PMCollins, Monica P.

I got up early, at 5, to make sure i had plenty of time to do everything, and still wound up leaving after 6.

then i slipped going to my truck

12:56 PMLacy, Robert P.

so were you scheduled to go today?

12:56 PMCollins, Monica P.

yup

12:56 PMLacy, Robert P.

dang

that sucks

12:56 PMCollins, Monica P.

oh it gets worse lol

12:57 PMLacy, Robert P.

*sits to listen*

12:57 PMCollins, Monica P.

i didn't get gas last night, cuzzz i hate getting gas.

12:57 PMLacy, Robert P.

why

12:58 PMCollins, Monica P.

hmmmmm, good question.  probably cuz i have to interrupt whatever it is i'm doing to get it (lack of patience) and (sub-consciously) i'm spending money for gas that i could be spending somewhere else.  like beer.

12:59 PMLacy, Robert P.

yea

beer > gas

1:00 PMCollins, Monica P.

you see my dilemma, right?  so anyway, right after i passed gas stations and wasn't about to go near any for another minute or two, i ran out.

1:00 PMLacy, Robert P.

1:00 PMCollins, Monica P.

that was about 6:15, 6:20.

1:00 PMLacy, Robert P.

dang

you have to push?

1:02 PMCollins, Monica P.

naw, wasn't about to do that, rodeo is too damned big.  i get out and walk to the mickey d's i just passed, ask them where the closest one was.  i figured i was not getting to work at all, and just wanted to get some gas and then go home.

1:02 PMLacy, Robert P.

dang

1:02 PMCollins, Monica P.

not one damned person stopped to see if a fellow human being was ok.  until i hit the cross road and started walking that way.

go to gas station and back to my truck.  somewhere around 6:40-something.

no, almost 6:50.

1:04 PMLacy, Robert P.

1:05 PMCollins, Monica P.

called david, asked him to contact janice and let her know i would probably miss them, so don't worry it they don't see me.  meanwhile, i head off with my measlly 2 gallons of unleaded.

i turned in the back way (other end of Jardin) and stopped right in front of the bus, got out, asked if i could go park (meaning, please wait a few more moments).

1:06 PMLacy, Robert P.

dang

1:07 PMCollins, Monica P.

yeah, i know.  now, here comes the bone-head part.  i'm right next to a parking lot, right?

1:07 PMLacy, Robert P.

right

1:08 PMCollins, Monica P.

i start heading to one that i normally go to, either right inside the gate or where you park.  it has been literally years since i've parked right across the street.  so the thought of trying to turn around (thought came to mind twice while i'm heading to my usual spots) ...

1:14 PMLacy, Robert P.

lol dang

1:20 PMCollins, Monica P.

oh oh, the final stab ....

so i'm walking across the parking lot, right?  the bus is parked right outside, where the dip into the sidewalk is.  i've gotten to that little section right inside of the gate ... and i watch the bus pull off.

as I said, I was not meant to go.

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1:38 PMCollins, Monica P.

my thigh is really uncomfortable right now.

This conversation is being saved

I Hate This

For years, nay, decades, I have had a footstool under my desk at work.  I noticed early on that when I leave my feet on the ground, and I’m sitting straight, my legs bounce, usually my right one.  I noticed that when I put my feet up and stretched out, the urge to bounce was gone.  Some weeks ago, I tried removing the stool.  I had reasoned that I was losing precious moments each day, switching from sitting with my feet up, scooted down in the seat, to scooting back up in the seat to put my feet on the floor.  On some days, I seemed to do that nearly non-stop. 

I just decided to go back to the way I had it.  I think that the back-and-forth is much better than bouncing most of the time.

I wonder if on the days the switching back-and-forth had more to do with being more hyper than usual?  I’ll have to pay attention to that in the coming weeks.

Thanks ….

FW: Readiness Rating Approver Confirmed Presentation MONICA P. COLLI

One of these is my readiness rating and the other is my horoscope for today.

I got the surprise of my readiness rating today.  After David and I discussed it, I’m now at ‘taking on a expanded role in my current position’.  He is dubious about this rating, and I have no reason to blame him for it.  I’m not consistent with my work.  And the next position takes on my analysis and I definitely have problems with figuring out problems or solutions on other people’s logic.

My trying to get to a 4E is an entirely different issue.  So is my trying to become a web developer.    I do already know this, however, in my shooting for all these things to occur at the same time, I tend to merge it all together.  What I mean is, I could eventually get to do some web development however, if my level of work stays the same, I’ll be doing it as a 4D.  My problem is the same as it always it: having consistent work.  To get to a 4E, I have to become better at analysis since that job does more than mine does.  I did a lot more in my other position, however how I had trouble in that arena there too.   I can break down problems; unfortunately, I don’t do it as quickly as others, I don’t always come up with the correct conclusions, etc.  These are probably the reasons that Dr. Barkley suggested that programming may not be the best IT choice for ADDers (as opposed to other IT positions like working with the hardware, as in a tech job).  He didn’t imply the other jobs can’t be done by us, just that it would be a lot more work.  Lol, I’ve know that for over 20 years.  I should not lose sight of the fact that as much as I work to go further, this may be as far as I go.  I’ve been at this level for a decade.  Do I see myself staying here for another 10 or 20 years?  I have also considered taking early retirement and then trying another tech job.  I don’t know, I’ll have to see what the next decade brings.  I’m more interested in building data processes than building PCs and repairing them, or building databases or other such things.

I need to do web coding, along with learning it, on my own.  Instead of taking some courses and then saying ‘ok, I took these, now let me code something, please’ I instead need to take some courses, create some sites online, then go to my bosses and say ‘I’ve learn how to do some web coding, let me show you some of my work’.  I’ve not done that in the past: I never have money for courses, or to purchase web space, plus, I have never wanted to create some dummy site.  At the same time, I don’t want to create a site for myself because I wouldn’t be able to do it the way that I wanted, not to mention not having everything that I needed ready and in place, such as completed costumes to sell, performance videos to advertise myself with, etc.  I know of a possible web site to develop for myself: for years, I’ve wanted to be able to put a list of my music in a site that can be accessed by me or others.

Thanks ….

Wall-E

I have been watching this movie all week, except for the day that I was home.  Right now, it’s a favorite and I’m watching it the way someone will listen to their favorite song over and over.

Thanks ….

FW: Norman's vacant position

 

From: Collins, Monica P.
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2010 11:36 AM
To: Adams, David M.
Cc: Lacy, Robert P.
Subject: RE: Norman's vacant position

Thanks for this information.  This tells me exactly what to study; I’ve been kind of guessing up till now.  Could you also please tell me what languages/tools you would prefer that I had in my current position?

Thanks ….

Monica C

From: Adams, David M.
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2010 7:37 AM
To: Collins, Monica P.
Cc: Lacy, Robert P.
Subject: RE: Norman's vacant position

Here are the skills required for the vacant 4E position.

Languages/Tools	(R) or (D)
MS Visual Studio.Net	Required
MS C#	Required
MS ASP.Net	Required
XML/HTML	Required
Cascading Style Sheets	Required
Web Services	Required
MS SQL Server	Required
MS Visual SourceSafe/Harvest	Desired
JavaScript	Required
SOAP (using .Net web services)	Required
Oracle DB (9i/10g)	Desired
MS Classic ASP	Desired
Java	Desired
AJAX	Required
Objective-C	Desired
iPhone SDK	Desired

Thanks,

David A

From: Collins, Monica P.
Sent: Tuesday, June 01, 2010 3:44 PM
To: Adams, David M.
Cc: Lacy, Robert P.; Collins, Monica P.
Subject: Norman's vacant position

David,

Robert Lacy and I have been conversing among ourselves, concerning Norman’s vacated position.  I am very interested in working my way into Norman’s open slot and Robert is just as interested in getting my then vacated position.  We would like to work with you to earn those positions within a reasonable time period, such as six months to one year from now.  If you consider that to be a possibility, we would like to know what being considered for those positions would entail. 

Thanks ….

Monica C

FW: Norman's vacant position

From: Collins, Monica P.
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2010 11:36 AM
To: Adams, David M.
Cc: Lacy, Robert P.
Subject: RE: Norman's vacant position

Thanks for this information.  This tells me exactly what to study; I’ve been kind of guessing up till now.  Could you also please tell me what languages/tools you would prefer that I had in my current position?

Thanks ….

Monica Collins

From: Adams, David M.
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2010 7:37 AM
To: Collins, Monica P.
Cc: Lacy, Robert P.
Subject: RE: Norman's vacant position

Here are the skills required for the vacant 4E position.

Languages/Tools	(R) or (D)
MS Visual Studio.Net	Required
MS C#	Required
MS ASP.Net	Required
XML/HTML	Required
Cascading Style Sheets	Required
Web Services	Required
MS SQL Server	Required
MS Visual SourceSafe/Harvest	Desired
JavaScript	Required
SOAP (using .Net web services)	Required
Oracle DB (9i/10g)	Desired
MS Classic ASP	Desired
Java	Desired
AJAX	Required
Objective-C	Desired
iPhone SDK	Desired

Thanks,

David Adams

From: Collins, Monica P.
Sent: Tuesday, June 01, 2010 3:44 PM
To: Adams, David M.
Cc: Lacy, Robert P.; Collins, Monica P.
Subject: Norman's vacant position

David,

Robert Lacy and I have been conversing among ourselves, concerning Norman’s vacated position.  I am very interested in working my way into Norman’s open slot and Robert is just as interested in getting my then vacated position.  We would like to work with you to earn those positions within a reasonable time period, such as six months to one year from now.  If you consider that to be a possibility, we would like to know what being considered for those positions would entail. 

Thanks ….

Monica Collins

ADHD in the 21st century

I’m sure that this subject has been speculated on by others before.  I truly believe that my ADHD (and probably even my mania) has become harder to manage over the years because of the greater number of mind-distracting stimulating things out there. 

I remember that when I started here two decades ago, there was very little to alleviate my wandering focus.  When I first got here, I had an old metal shelled IBM, pure green-screen.  If I lost focus from working, there wasn’t much to do to muddle through whatever I was trying to do (or not do because I had lost interest or didn’t understand whatever I was working on).  I could take a trip down to the store.  Visit people at their desk.  Just about every break and lunch was taken away from my desk, so that I could break up my day.  I know that I called Jim at work entirely too much.  I was basically bored and there was nothing that I could do about it.  That’s not to say that work bored me; more like there was not enough change in it to keep me attentive towards it.

After I got Larry Bratton’s PC when he upgraded, I found a few things to catch my interest when work wasn’t holding my attention.  And then we got the Interest up here and I truly believe that things really went downhill for me at that point.  With the Internet, there are numerous things to catch your attention.  Personal email sites.  Shopping sites.  This, that, and the other.  Too many things.  Not to mention IMs, which provided me others to talk to. 

I have tried getting my Internet access limited, but it seems that it can’t be done.  I have tried using software to limit it myself.  However, I always have the option to work around that, usually by turning it off, when I want to. 

And today, I have spent nearly my entire day closing out my Clarity for last week.  Lol, Clarity is a whole another can of worms.  It has gone beyond hate, it has gone beyond any other adjective that I can come up with.  Sitting down to figure out where my day went mentally and physically takes it out of me.  And I know that has almost everything to do with the fact that I bounce from item to item, on top of the fact that I don’t stay focused on one project enough to get anything of significance done on that project.  I know that it should not take me nearly as long as it does to work on projects, even when adding a bit of extra for not understanding the projects.  I seem to spend so little of a given time period on the actual project and I’m not sure just want can be done to override that, other than setting things up as they were 20 years ago.

I know that some might say that maybe this career just doesn’t hold enough interest to be the best job for me.  I tend to disagree with that logic.  This might not be the perfect job for me, however I know that it’s an adequate job that I’m able to do.  When I’m really into what I’m working on, or I’m in the middle of a problem, my interest can be held.  I think that with any job, there will be good days and bad days.  I still need to learn how to motivate myself through the bad days, and I have not done that yet.  Lol, I may spend the rest of my working life trying to figure that out lol.

Thanks ….

How do I stop this from happening?

For the last few years, actually the last few decades, I have relied on working late to make for the fact that I did not put in 8 hours of productive work.  However, what usually winds up happening is that the overtime is just as unproductive as the previous eight were.  I have got to put a stop to this endless circle.  I don’t mind the idea that I will probably always have to put in 1-2 more than everyone else to keep up.  The problem with that is at the end of those 10 hours, I should have completed a day’s worth of work, and that is not happening.  I will continue to wallow in this damned grade level, without any hope of a promotion, if I don’t change this.

Thanks ….

What Am I Doing?

What am I doing right now?  While I’m loading Rebel’s ESSO files into test for her SFTP changes, I am watching skating from last night and listening to The Fixx.  Talk about some multi-tasking lol.  I probably should stop that, though.  That would be tough.  I’ve done multiple things at the same time for as far back as I can remember.  Even at this moment, my eyes are on my netbook watching the Australian skater while I’m typing this by touch.  I’m sure when I go to the town hall today, I’ll probably be typing stuff into my phone while I’m listening, like I was doing in the … whatever it was last week, the one that I got ‘caught’ in.  For one thing, it gives me something to do, so that the extraneous hyper energy doesn’t build up.  Two, I’m getting something on my never-ending list of things to get done.  Hell, I’ve worked on Xmas presents, knitting or crocheting, during town halls.  I’ve knitted in movie theatres, at the opera, lol.  <big sigh>

Oh, and add to that first list talking to someone …

Thanks ….

Clarity

I really, really hate filling out my Clarity tasks.  I have put it off all day long.  The task of recording time spent on my daily tasks is really a big task for me, trying to figure out exactly what I have done, hoping it adds up to a day’s worth of work.  And seeing my day go from item, to item, to item, is not very pleasant either. 

I have to go and get last week’s sheet ready to submit for Jeff to process.  I can’t dally, since he won’t be here for very long.    I’ll record my start and end times.  I know it will take me longer than 20 minutes to do it, which I think that it shouldn’t.

I find that numerous things will distract when I do not wish to complete something: the breakouts on my face, the stupid little hairs on my face, the hair on my head, finding the right quiet music on my iPod to work to, etc.  In all of that I discovered that my rash is back.  Oh joy … To be fair, I think that all of those things become important to me because I am sitting here with my chin in my hands while I am reading though my statistic software, adding up my time.  My hands feel the bumps and hairs, and because I obsess about those items, I am easily distracted from something I didn’t want to be doing in the first place.

I’m looking at last Tuesday and there is nearly 2 hours of unaccounted time.  I just remembered that maybe 45 minutes of that was when I went to sleep in the restroom, because I could not keep my eyes open at all.  Before the end of the day, I was back to the same state.  I was extremely tired all last week, except for Friday, because I got to sleep past 9am.  Now I have to figure out where to put all of this empty time.

Same thing for Wednesday.

Start: 3:45.  End:  5:53.  A little over two hours, minus maybe 30 minutes of wasted time here and there, and a 15 minute trip to the restroom.  It should not take me an hour to figure out what I did in a week.