I'm again at a loss as to what to do

Someone I know has gotten a promotion.  I’m sure that some people would say that this is nothing more than jealousy on my part, however that is far from the truth but I would be hard-pressed to explain that to someone.  I am again feeling despondent, not because of what they have but because I cannot keep up with what is considered the norm.  It is because of our current rating system that we’ve had for nearly 15 years that has kept me at below-minimum, however even with the previous one that was in place when I first got here I had the same remarks on them; it was just easier to let someone pass through, which was pretty much one of the main reasons for changing it.  And what it boils down to is that because we don’t reach that ‘normal’ level, many office settings aren’t exactly for us.  Not unless we can set up some kind of ‘support’ system, like a team setting, having a ‘buddy’ to double-check yourself with, or better yet, owning your own company.  None of those are available to me in my situation.  My needing a ‘buddy’ signifies that I am not ready for the next level.  Even if I had the money to open my own business, if I knew what was good for me, I’d have to have someone running the day-to-day things, while I do the whatever-else there would be.

 

I’ve considered time and again taking another position in this company but I can’t bring myself to do it.  One, I can’t think of anything else in this company I’d be doing that might at least as interesting.  Working on the help desk, or in catalog taking orders, would drive me crazy, just like it does my mother (I really do feel for her on that score).  Having to fix PCs or solve other people’s problems would drive me crazy, because I’m sure that I wouldn’t be able to come up with a solution fast enough.  That was the very reason that I turned down two offers from IS-A for a position, because I knew that I would not be able to solve those problems quickly, even before I knew why that was so.  I never left this company for that reason as well, because I would be carrying those same problems with me.

 

The two main reasons, besides not wanting to do anything else, is that I can’t afford to lose money in my paycheck and how do you explain why you walked away from what you liked doing because you couldn’t do it well?  Why after a ¼ of a century?  So, do I stay and resign myself to the fact that I might not rise above this?  Or, if things go the way that I think they will if we lose the union, wait until I’m sent to another group, forced to retire or worse yet, let go?  In the long run, taking contract jobs wouldn’t be all that bad, if I could get them.  I’d be spending months to maybe a couple of years at a job.  And, I could put all of the software that I currently use onto a Surface and get (nearly) the same benefits.  I would go crazy if I had to work on a help desk or worse yet, read some script selling insurance or collecting a debt.